


Into the Empty

by elaynawinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Episode 15x18, Hurt Dean Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester Bonding, Jack Kline is a Winchester, Jack kline - Freeform, M/M, Queer Themes, Sad Dean Winchester, Season/Series 15, castiel - Freeform, dean being an angst muffin, episode AU, he is sad, i've never done this before so please be nice, my sweet bb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27540178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaynawinchester/pseuds/elaynawinchester
Summary: MAJOR SEASON 15 SPOILERS: Takes place in the immediate aftermath of episode 15x18 (DESPAIR) after Cas gets taken by the empty. (Rewriting my own version of how I think it should have gone instead of what transpired in 15x19, though bits of it will be inspired by some of the events in that episode.)Dean reckons with the hurt of having to watch Cas get taken by the Empty before he even had a chance to say goodbye, to tell Cas how he really feels. He, Sam, and Jack devise a plan to bring Cas, and the world, back from the brink of oblivion.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 36
Kudos: 103





	1. The Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading fic for years but never written one but DESTIEL IS CANON and I guess this is the only tiny joy 2020 is gonna give me so fuck, I'll take it. Hope y'all enjoy my emo son reckoning with his uber bisexual feels at his stupid angel bb. 
> 
> I know there will be another few short parts to this that I want to finish writing, just not quite sure how many yet. Promise it won't be one of those ones that leaves a cliffhangar and never gets updated! (sweat smile emoji) I am determined to write a happier ending for these two where they get to be queer together. <3

I hear the phone ringing, but only distantly. Its like the sound got sucked into the Empty too. It all happened so fast that I feel like I’m not here either. I’m there.

_I’m empty._

I see the single word on my phone screen. The one name that come hell or high water, I always answer for.

SAM.

But I can’t. I can’t hear his voice right now. 

Not when I am trying to remember the way Cas’s last words just sounded…

_I love you._

_Goodbye Dean._

_Dean…_

_The last thing he said… my name… this is all my fault…_

I can’t stop the tears anymore. As I bury my face in my hands, I want to scream, but no sounds come out. I want to break everything within range, but I’m too numb to move. I want to open the portal back up and yank him back out.

_Cas… not Cas…_

I don’t know how long I sit there, sobbing until I’m just staring and shaking. These tears are nothing like any I’ve ever shed before. Not after Jo or Lisa. Not after losing mom, then dad, then both of them all over again. All the times I lost Sammy… none of them felt like this. 

None of them could ever mean what Cas did for me, and my stupid ass didn’t realize it until he was disapearing right before my eyes, the phantom feeling of his hand lingering on my shoulder like it did so many times before. 

I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to say back to him the words I never, _ever_ thought I would hear him say to me in the way he just did.

He loves me… and I love him.

Even in my mind, I can’t bring myself to say it in the past tense. I refuse to let existing without him be real.

“Dean?”

It is Sammy’s voice that brings me back to reality. 

My whole body is sore. From the sobbing, from the anger, from all this _fucking pain._

“Dean, are you—” he’s going to ask if I’m okay. But he knows I’m not.

I can’t blame him. I’m slumped on the floor, eyes bloodshot. Snot on my shirt, body still tense like I’m an arrow pulled back and waiting to fire. 

“What happened?” he asks as he takes a knee at my side. 

But I haven’t caught my breath yet. I can’t believe I have tears left.

“Cas…” and I can’t say the rest.

“Where is he?” Sam asks as he helps me stand.

Jack walks in behind him, his eyes searching and sad, as they fixate on my shoulder.

Then Sam looks at it too, which makes me turn my head to see it.

Blood… in the shape of his hand. The same one that saved me from hell, now staining my jacket because that stupid son of a bitch saved me one last time.

And that’s the moment that breaks me.

I pull away from Sam and scream, punching my fist right into the wall that Cas disappeared into, as if it can break through and find him.

I bang my fist against it over and over, anguished cries coming out in waves, until my throat is sore and my fist is bleeding. Sam pulls me away, and I want to shove him away. Punch him, fight him, break something, _anything,_ the way that the Empty has broken me by taking Cas away from me. But instead, our embrace just makes me collapse to my knees. I hug Sam back tightly. 

_My little brother. The only anchor I have in this fucked up world._

He lets me cry into his shoulder in a way I don’t think I ever have before. It has always been the other way around—me being there for him. I hate that I can’t be stronger right now, that I can’t _do something_ with how much this hurts… but Cas’s words keep ringing in my ears. 

_I love you… goodbye Dean…_

I wasn't ready to say goodbye.


	2. Can't Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean refuses to give up on Cas and everyone else they've lost.

I drink myself to sleep that night. 

I feels like the only thing I know how to do. I’m not ready to stare how I feel in the face. Not when I’m hurting this much.

When I wake from a nightmare, it’s 3:30am. The nightmare was just watching Cas disappear again and again and not being able to stop it. I’m soaked through with sweat and am so tangled in my sheets, it’s a wonder I didn’t fall off the bed. I try to catch my breath, before getting up to go grab another beer. 

When I get to the main room of the bunker, Sam and Jack are sitting at the table, still up. An already spent bottle of bourbon between them, another one newly opened.

“Figured you’d be out here soon enough,” Sam says, his speech a little slurred.

I grab the third glass that Jack nudges my way and fill it up, downing its contents in one go before slumping into a chair. 

We sit there in silence for a few minutes, just the three of us. 

The only ones left in the world. 

I stare at my emptied glass—its a mirror for reality. It’s how I feel. It’s where Cas is. It’s what the whole damn planet looks like right now, thanks to us. Thanks to our stupid goddamn hope that we could still find a way to beat Chuck. 

I want to break the glass. Throw it at the wall just to hear it shatter. 

But I feel as if I’ve broken enough already. 

“What are we gonna do?” I say, my voice hollow.

Sam actually lets out a laugh, the kind that could turn to a sob half way through if he let it. “There’s nothing left we  _ can do _ .”

“Come on, you don’t really believe that?” I say.

“Don’t I? Dean, there’s  _ nothing left.  _ No one. It’s just us. No one is coming to save us this time.”

“Then if we’re all we’ve got, we have to do  _ something.” _

Sam just shakes his head. “I watched them Dean… Bobby, Charlie, everyone… just dusted into nothing. We drove for hours, looking for someone. But there’s no one left. We wiped out the world.”

“We can’t give up.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s not who we are!” I shout at him, the heat rising in my chest.

Jack sighs, “Dean, please. Don’t—”

“Don’t what? I’m sorry, but we  _ can’t _ give up. I won’t. If it means Chuck dusts me too, then fine. But I will be  _ damned _ if Cas sacrificed himself for us to sit here on our asses feeling sorry for ourselves. He deserves better than that. Hell, the  _ world _ deserves better. We didn’t just spend our entire lives fighting—losing  _ everyone _ we love—to give up now.”

Both of them fall silent, as I realize I’ve been clenching my fist so tight that it’s started to bleed through the bandages again. 

Sam finally gives a soft nod. “So what do we do?”

“We find a way to bring ‘em back.”

“And if we don’t?”

I pour myself another drink.

“Then we join ‘em.”


	3. Old Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone from the boys past shows up with information that just might help them save the world one last time.

No matter how much lore we pour over, there’s nothing that even  _ remotely _ helps.

It’s almost two days before we finally get some kind of lead.

Sam and I are sitting at the table in the middle of the night, when Jack comes wandering out from his room. He’s pale enough that it looks like he’s just seen a ghost.

“Jack, you good?” Sam asks. 

He shakes his head lightly. “I… I don’t know. I feel… weird.”

“Weird how?” I ask, afraid to let hope flare in my chest.

“I heard something. It wasn’t a dream, it was different. More real.” He meets out eyes. “I think there’s someone out there.”

And that’s when we hear the last sound we were ever expecting. 

Someone’s knocking at the door. 

Our eyes widen as I reach for my gun, and Sam grabs an angel knife. 

We make our way up the stairs to the front door. 

“Any idea what we’re dealing with here?” I ask Jack.

“I wish I knew, but I don’t think it’s sinister. It doesn’t feel like it.”

There’s three more thuds on the door. 

“Here goes,” I say as I push it open with one hand, while keeping the other finger hovering over the trigger.

When I open it, I have to do a double take to make sure I’m not seeing things. 

“Adam?”

The face of my long lost younger brother shakes his head, and with the unmistakable cadence of my least favorite arch angel says, “I’m afraid not.”

“Michael…” says Sam.

He nods this time, “May I come in?”

I point my gun right for his face. “Why the  _ hell  _ should we trust you?”

“Because I’m your last chance in the universe.”

“He’s right Dean, what choice do we have?” Sam says.

I lower the gun, but keep my guard full up. “You try  _ anything _ and I’m ganking your ass right back to wherever you crawled out of.”

“That sounds only fair,” Michael says as he walks in and I bolt the door behind him.

Over a few beers, he explains to us how he’s been in hiding, but once he sensed there was nothing left—no one left—he followed the only signs of life he could pick up on. Ours.

“So what do you want?” I finally ask him, “Not like you’ve been much help in the past.”

“I regret that I wasn’t able to help more. I hoped that my father would see the error of his ways. Stop destroying realities. But when I felt him erase everything… I knew there was no turning back for him. He has to be stopped.”

“Yeah, you say that. But  _ how?” _

Michael smirks as he nods to Jack. “With him.”


	4. New Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack becomes Death and is able to read God's book, helping the boys finally learn how it ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This includes spoilers from 5x19, except I took my own spin on it. Basically kidnapped the bits that made sense and then reworked it my way, lol. Enjoy kids. :P

We all look to Jack, who has a trace of fear set deep in his eyes. 

“What can I do?”

“You,” Michael begins, as gets up to walk over to Jack, “are the new Death.”

Sam and I share a terrified look. “What the hell does that mean?” I ask.

“When Death was taken into the Empty and everything else destroyed, the mantle fell to the most powerful being left standing.  _ You _ , Jack.”

Sam perks up, “Does that mean he can read God’s book?”

When Michael nods, I leap up and all but run to grab the book from my room, where its been sitting, useless to us without Death to read it. When I return with it and put it down in front of Jack, I feel like I’m holding my breath.  _ Could this be how we save Cas? _ I feel like I should be thinking about everyone else in the world first, but I can’t help that Cas is the very first thought on my mind.  _ He means the world to me… _

Jack picks up the book, and the cover of it begins to glow white. Death’s scythe materializes on the table before him, as he slowly reaches to open the book.

When I hear the crack of the book’s spine, I feel such a wave of relief that I have to grip the edge of the table to keep myself standing. “Can you read it?” I ask, as I look expectantly at the pages, which to my eyes are as blank as the Empty.

A hopeful smile spreads across Jack’s face.

“I… I can read it…”

“What does it say?” Sam says, rising to his feet as he walks over closer to join us at Jack’s end of the table.

Jack frantically flips to the end of the book and starts to read. We all wait with bated breath as his eyes scan over lines of text that none of us can see. I take a step back from the table and breathe in deep, trying my best to keep my cool even though I just want to shake his shoulders until he tells us what it says. 

But when I hear Jack close the book, I turn back around. 

He is staring blankly ahead like whatever it is he read has terrified him. 

“Well?” I ask, unable to wait a second longer.

Jack swallows his nervous energy and nods slowly. “I know how it ends.”

“And? Care to share with the class?” I say, folding my arms over my chest to try and keep myself together. 

“We have to go into the Empty… and we have to destroy it.”

“Destroy it? How?” Sam asks.

At this, Jack looks to Michael. “You have to finish what you started. You have to end your brother once and for all.”

“Lucifer? He lives?” Michael asks, the faintest trace of hope in his voice. He may despise his brother, but after all these centuries, he's still just that.

“Yes,” Jack says, “trapped in the empty, along with Cas. You have to fight him there, and once you've destroyed him for good, I have to fight the Empty. Once that’s destroyed, I’ll take in its energy, and Lucifer’s…” he pauses and looks away from all of us. 

“What? What is it?” Michael demands. 

“Fighting your brother, once you win… your purpose will be fulfilled. It will destroy you too, and when it does, both you and Lucifer’s archangel power will be absorbed. Absorbed… by me. Its the consequence of my not going nuclear on Chuck. All the energy that gets spent around me, I take it in. Consume it, and then can use it. You, Lucifer, the Empty. Once I take all of that in, I’ll finally be powerful enough to face Chuck. It’s how we’re going to end him.”

“And Cas? What happens to him?” 

Jack smiles. “We’ll be able to bring him back.”

I bite my lip and nod. “Then what are we waiting for?”


	5. The Truth, At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over beers in the bunker, Dean finally tells Sam the full truth about why Cas was taken by the Empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because there just had to be a brotherly moment over beers before facing the biggest bads. <3

We all talk late into the night, figuring out our plan of attack. Jack should be able to use his souped up Death powers to open the rift into the Empty, and then once we’re there, Michael takes down Lucifer, Jack takes down the Empty, and me and Sam find Cas to get him out before everything goes to hell. 

Michael suggests that he and Jack power down before we go in, so Sam and I are left at the table, toasting the last of the beers in the fridge to the chance that we might be able to pull this off. One last stand to try and save the world. _Just another Tuesday in the life of the Winchesters._

“Dean,” Sam says after we’re on our fourth round, “you never said… never explained how the Empty was able to take Billie and Cas. I thought the Empty couldn’t cross over to our world unless invited?”

And here it is. The moment I have been avoiding and dreading. 

Explaining to Sam that Cas died because he loved me… and that I never got to say it back. 

I hesitate. I know that if I’m lying, Sammy will be able to tell. He knows me too well, and lord knows I can’t hide how much I’ve been broken up inside since it took Cas.

There’s part of me that feels like it doesn’t even need saying. _How could he not know after all this time that I love that stupid angel?_ But the longer I sit with it, the more I realize it would be an easy thing to miss. _Hell, I didn’t even **really** know it until he was shoving me out of the way and it was all too late. _

So I decide to do something different. Sam and I have spent enough of our lives telling lies to hide how we feel. Telling half truths to keep from being fully honest with one another.

I think about what Cas said to me, about me being a loving human being... _t_ _hat is who you are._ I don’t know if I completely believe that’s true, but I know for sure that is who I want to be.

“Cas…” it still hurts to say his name aloud, “the deal he made to save Jack was that the the Empty would be summoned if he ever experienced a moment of true happiness.”

Sam’s quiet at first, “Happiness? What would make him happy about Death coming for both of you?”

“It wasn’t that. He… he experienced it, because…” _fuck, I really have to say it,_ “because he told me that he loves me.”

I watch as my brother lowers the beer he was about to sip from. He looks away from me, like he’s staring at an equation in the air, finally coming together right in front of him. Realizing the same truth I did, too little too late. 

“And Sammy, I… I didn’t get to say it,” I have to choke back the tears, “but I love him too. And I can’t believe I never… how could I not realize what’s been right in front of me this whole damn time?”

Sam sighs and gives me a nod, “Not exactly like dad raised us to be okay with that sort of thing. I can’t blame you.” He goes silent for a few more moments before saying, “But I can’t say I didn’t already know. I just, I never thought you’d actually admit it.”

“You _knew?_ How could you know before I did?”

He shakes his head, “Dean. I’ve had to sit here, for _years_ , watching you look at Cas the same way I used to look at Jess. At Eileen. And Cas, he… I think he’s loved you from the day he first saved you. He’s _always_ cared most about you. Everything he ever did, was to keep you safe. He rebelled from heaven, broke through Naomi’s mind control, gave up everything for you.”

The more he says, the more I realize I’ve always known it deep down at my core. We were always heading for this. I just can’t believe the bastard had the audacity to wait to get taken away to super hell to say it. I can’t believe I didn’t utter the words when I still had the chance. 

_But I will have my chance._

_We’re going to save him, if it’s the last thing I do._


	6. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long overdue heart to heart between Dean and jack before they face the Empty.

I load up my gun. Tuck away an angel blade and the demon knife.  _ We have to be ready for anything. _

_ Whatever it takes. _

Jack is sitting by the bunker’s mapboard when I approach him. “You good, kid?” I ask him as I pat him on the back. 

He gives a weak smile. “I think so. I just hope that this works.”

“Me too,” I say as I lean on the table. 

We sit there a few moments, neither of us saying anything, and it hits me that as much as we want this all to go our way, there’s a good chance it won’t. If losing Cas this way taught me anything, it’s that you gotta say things when you feel them, just in case you never get the chance again. So I start to say, “Jack… if this goes sideways—”

“It won’t Dean. I believe in us.”

I smile, “I do too, but still. It needs saying… I’m sorry. For how I’ve been to you all these months since…”  _ since you killed mom, _ I almost say, but I know now. He has shown us who he really is. “I just want you to know, I forgive you. I don’t know if that pain of losing her again will ever go away, but I know that you didn’t mean for it to happen. That you’d do anything to take that back." 

I have to take a deep breath before saying the next part, but all I can think is that I should have said it a long time ago. "You’re family, Jack. And I’m sorry for all the times that I made you feel otherwise. You’re one of us, okay? A Winchester. Always.”

Jack is looking at my with tearful eyes, “Come here, kid,” I say as I hold open my arms for him. 

He gets up and hugs me back, and I'm tearing up too now. Losing Cas has made every emotion hit harder. What he said before he was taken showed me that. All this repressing how I feel shit has only gotten people I love killed. I don't want that anymore. 

But as I am standing there hugging Jack, something different overwhelms me. The way he clutches me tight reminds me of the way I used to hug dad when I was little before he'd leave on a hunting trip. I don’t know how I never realized it, but that is so much who Jack is to me. 

_ The son I always dreamed of having.  _

As we pull apart, Sam and Michael both enter the room. 

“We ready?” Michael asks. 

Sammy stands beside me and I put a hand on his shoulder. 

“As we’ll ever be,” I reply. 

So Jack steps back, takes a deep breath as he focuses and holds up a hand to the air. When he opens his eyes, they glow golden, and a rift opens up in the wall in front of us, crackling and fizzing with dark energy. 

_ Hang in there, Cas. I’m coming for you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Really wanted to include this chapter because that whole "Jack's not family" thing from episode 15x17 just did NOT sit right with me. That little nugget is a Winchester through and through and no one will convince me otherwise! :P)


	7. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Sam, Michael, and Jack venture into the Empty to destroy Lucifer and save Castiel.

The Empty lives up to its name. 

Nothing but infinite blackness surrounds us. Swallows us. Presses in on us with a thickness I didn’t know that air could have. 

There’s no telling where in this infinity Cas could be, so I do the only thing that makes sense to try. I pray. 

_Cas… Cas, I’m here. Where are you? Help me find you._

I don’t hear anything in response, so I try out loud. “Cas! Cas, where—” Michael puts his hand over my mouth. 

“Don’t be stupid, it will—”

And then out of nowhere, Meg of all people—at least the Empty trying to look like her—shows up in front of us. “Hear you? Yeah. Thanks for making it easy boys.”

Jack immediately holds up his hands, and from them, a pulsing energy fires the Empty back into their throne. They're pinned down, unable to move. “Find Cas and Lucifer! I’ll hold them off!” he shouts as his eyes burn golden.

“That angel is MINE.” the Empty-Meg chokes out.

“Like hell he is,” I say, as I turn to face the chasm of darkness behind us, “CAS! CAS, WHERE ARE YOU?” I yell as I start running.

“Dean, where are you even going?” Sam asks as he follows me. But I hold a hand to stop him cold, because deep down inside, I can hear a whisper. 

_“Dean…”_

“I can hear him. He’s here. Close.” I say.

_Come on Cas, you gotta help me here, man. Where are you?_

_“Forward.”_

“This way,” I tell Sam, as the two of us take off. 

It’s only a minute or so of charging headlong into oblivion before I finally see him. “Cas…”

I keep running, his slumped body on the ground, unmoving.

“No…” I whisper as I keep running, “hang on Cas.”

And just as I’m about to reach him, Lucifer appears right in front of us. 

“Sup guys? Long time, no see.” he says.

“Lucifer…” Michael says, as I only just now realize he was following us.

“Mikey, buddy, how’s it hanging? You must really be desperate if you’re frolicking around with these chuckleheads.”

“We have a score to settle,” he says as he shoots a burst of light right for Lucifer’s chest. 

“Ooooh, somebody’s juiced up," his eyes turn red hot as a twisted smile crosses his face, "but I've had a _loooot_ of time to reflect and recharge in here. Let's see what you're made of."

And that’s when Lucifer holds up a hand, sending Sam and I careening backwards, slamming hard into the ground. 

I hear a sickening crack from Sam’s arm, and get up to check him, “Sammy, you okay?”

He makes an anguished cry as I help him stand, “I think it's broken," he says through gritted teeth, as I look and see it bent at a fucked up angle, "but I’ll be fine. We gotta get Cas.”

I spin around to see Michael and Lucifer, fighting right in front of him. It’s dizzying to watch, cosmic blasts of light and darkness firing at each other, fists colliding with the sound of thunder cracking. Michael lands a punch right to Lucifer's gut that sends him reeling backwards, giving me my opening. 

I dash towards Cas, sliding onto my knees at his side.

“Cas, can you hear me?” I say as I roll him over and into my arms.

When I see his face, my heart sinks. Lucifer must have been using him as a punching bag. He’s bloodied and battered, and groans with pain as I try to move him. But he sputters out my name. “Dean…”

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay,” I say through tears that he’s alive. I hug him close, “We're gonna get you out of here.”

Sammy reaches us and with his good arm, the two of us help get Cas to his feet. 

“You can’t… the Empty…”

“Jack’s takin' care of them. Don’t worry. You're coming home, you hear me?”

From behind us, Michael cries out in pain. Lucifer has knocked him to his knees, coughing up mouthfuls of blood. He looks wrecked. But the second Lucifer sees us trying to get Cas, he appears right in front of me with the faint sound of swooshing wings. “Can’t have you taking my _only fun_ out of here boys,” and at this, he holds up a hand that knocks both Sam and Cas away from me. 

“NO!” I shout, as I try to run for them.

But before I can, Lucifer seizes me by the throat and lifts me off my feet. 

I’m clawing at his arm, gasping for breath, my feet flailing, trying desperately to reach any piece of solid ground. 

“Deano, you have been the _biggest...”_ he brings my whole body crashing into the floor, “pain…” he punts me hard in the stomach, “in my ass,” and then stomps a booted foot on my face with such power that I can feel at least two teeth dislodge.

As I'm choking on my own blood, he grabs my shirt collar and lifts me back up. I can see Sammy and Cas on the ground behind him, both looking at me in horror, neither of them strong enough to stop him.

_Is this really how it ends?_

“I think it’s time we finish this, don’t you? Any last words?”

I look to Sammy, _my baby brother, who I always promised to protect._

I look to Cas, _the one I loved more than anything, who I never got to tell._

If I’m gonna die for anyone in the world, it's only right that it's the two of them.

But then behind them, I see Michael, who is too beaten down to stand. He stares me down intently, and I hear his voice in my head. " _Dean, say yes, and I can use you to stop him. With you as my sword, we can defeat him once and for all. This has always been your destiny, but it's now or never.”_

In a span of seconds, my mind reels. 

I remember the last time I said yes to Michael—the Michael from Apocalypse world. It was a mistake then, that version of him hungry only for power, dominance, and destruction. It nearly ruined me. But this time? It feels different. Maybe it is the fact that it is Adam’s eyes pleading with me now, _the brother I never got to save._ Maybe this, finally saying yes is how I can honor him. How I can set free his soul.

And if this is what it will take to erase Lucifer from the Empty, to save Cas and Sammy? I have to try. 

So I look Lucifer dead in the eye, his smug face wearing that victorious grin. 

“Yes.”

Behind him, Michael collapses in a burst of light, Adam’s body fades to nothing the moment Michael's spirit leaves him. And then all at once, my eyes are glowing white with light. Intoxicating levels of power flood through me, and I'm able to grip Lucifer’s arms, wrenching them off of me with the combination of adrenaline and this new angelic rage. I hear his the bones in his arms snap like matchsticks and fall limp at his side.

“No! You can't do this...” Lucifer yells.

I grab him by the neck, and say, “Yes, I finally fucking can. Good riddance, douchebag.”

I slam him into the ground as Michael's energy surges through my every vein, turning me into a lightning rod of righteous wrath. All the pain and suffering Lucifer put us through, everything he did to my brothers—to my family—it's all about to end. I hold my hand to his forehead, pressing down, pinning him to the ground, and watch as Michael's divine power uses me to snuff him out. Lucifer screams and gasps, until a wave of fiery light blasts out from around us like a supernova.

I fall to my knees, Lucifer rendered into nothing but ash.

Sammy rushes over to me, “Dean?” he chokes out, fear that this will go the way it did before. 

_That Michael will take me over…_

But I hear Michael inside my head, “ _My great work is done. Thank you Dean…”_

I crumble forward, my hands just barely holding me up, catching me before I face plant. I feel what's left of Michael’s energy burn through me, until it’s nothing more than a flicker, and then an extinguished flame. I breathe out a heavy sigh, exhaling what looks like a small cloud of hazy stardust, as I feel Michael’s light go out.

_It's finished..._

“Dean?” I can hear the sob in Sam’s voice, as he thinks he’s lost me again. 

But he hasn’t this time. “It’s me… Michael’s gone. They’re both gone.”

Sam helps me up, and we both go over to Cas. I can tell he’s still in an immense amount of pain, but we get him standing. 

“Come on, we gotta get back to Jack and get out of here,” Sam says as he starts to walk, but I hold tight to Cas's arm to keep us from moving.

“Hold on,” I say, as I give Sam a look that begs he give us a minute. He nods knowingly and steps back, while I look to Cas.

“Dean… what I said, before the Empty took me, I understand that you don’t—”

“Cas, can you shut up for one second?”

I place my hand on the side of his face, running my thumb over one of the new, bloodied scars that’s there because I couldn’t get here fast enough. I stare deep into his entancing blue eyes, the ones I've tried to ignore the perfection of for so many years. Those eyes that starred me down, tearful and full of wanting in that room in the bunker, believing I'd never love him back, before losing me to what we both thought would be forever. “I’m so sorry, Cas” I whisper, “I shoulda done this a long time ago.”

And trying to be gentle as I can since I know he’s hurting, but overwhelmed with the fierce longing I’ve hidden from since the day he saved me from hell, I lean forward and blissfully, _finally,_ feel his mouth against mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was fun. 🙃🙃🙃 Decided to take some things from 15x19 to include here, but with my own twist, and of course MY BEAUTIFUL IDIOTS FINALLY GETTING TO SNOG. So RIP me, I'm gonna go curl up and cry for a bit. T^T Still another chapter or two to go to fully wrap up this fic, but hope y'all enjoy this before catching the finale on Thursday! (And if you're reading it after the finale has aired, how did I do? 😅 Here's hoping we got the canon chance to see Dean admit his feels for real.)


	8. Choosing Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the boys get Cas out of the Empty, and wait to see if Jack was able to lock it away forever.

I could stay like this—right here, Cas in my arms, kissing him like I should have a decade ago—forever. 

Until Sammy’s voice behind me reminds me that we have to get out here. _I came here to save Cas, the bring him back so I can kiss that stupid face of his in the real world. In the kitchen of the bunker. In the impala. In my bedroom…_

The thought alone is dizzying, but it will never happen if we don’t get out of here now. So with Sam’s help, we start making our way back to Jack. 

When we reach him, the Empty-Meg is on the floor, writhing. 

“MAKE THE NOISE STOP!” they shout. 

“Cas!” Jack says as he sees us approach, but he keeps his energy focused on the Empty, “All of you, get through the portal, now!”

“What about you?” I ask, as I look between him and the angry Empty. 

“Once you’re out, I can put them back to sleep. Seal this off forever. Michael and Lucifer’s power… I can feel it added onto me.”

I’m wary. The last thing I want to do is walk through that portal, Cas finally saved, only to lose Jack in the process.

My fear must be written all over my face, because Jack says softly, “Don’t worry Dean, I can do this. Trust me.”

The old me might not have. Might have thought _I know better than you_ and tried to do something stupid to save him, which would end up getting us all dead. But I know now. Cas’s words from the first day he met me ring in my head. 

_This is your problem Dean. You have no faith._

With Cas and Sam both beside me now, with Jack, the kid we all raised, powerful enough to kick destiny in the ass, I realize I finally do. 

I nod to Jack, and we go through the portal. 

Once we’re back in the bunker, Sam and I help Cas over to one of the comfier chairs and sit him down in it, and then both of us stare at the portal. We wait, the seconds stretching into minutes, as my heart quickens. 

“Come on Jack, come on…”

I close my eyes, _you can do this kid. I believe in you…_

And then with a crackling sound, I open my eyes to see Jack stepping through, and sealing the portal back up into nothing. He falls to his knees, breathless, and I rush over to him. 

“Hey, hey, you okay?”

Jack nods, “Yeah. I did it. The Empty is at rest,” he looks to Cas, “and it will never come for you again.”

Overwhelmed, I pull Jack in for a hug, “Don’t scare me like that again, kid.”

I hear him let out a small laugh as he wraps his arms back around me. “Can’t make any promises.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written after seeing the series finale, so I am FULL OF EMOTIONS TBH, but I feel more fueled than ever to give these boys the alternate ending they deserve. Thanks to everyone who has been reading. Writing this has been cathartic AF and I am so glad to have had this outlet here at the end of the series.


	9. With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean makes the confession of a lifetime after saving Cas from the Empty.

Jack heals Cas first, then fixes up Sam’s shoulder, and then the four of us just kind of sit there in disbelief that we actually pulled this off. 

Part of me wants to celebrate, because saving Cas feels like the biggest win we could have hoped for. But knowing that Chuck is still out there—that we still have  _ the whole rest of the world _ to save—brings an ominous tension to the air.  _ Our fight isn’t over. _

I have to wonder,  _ will it ever be? _

“You both look terrible,” Cas says to Sam and I. I have to laugh at his bluntness, but he’s not wrong. I feel like I haven’t slept right in weeks. 

“Thanks for that,” Sam says, “I’m gonna try to get some sleep. We’ll worry about Chuck in the morning.”

Jack nods in agreement, “I definitely could use some sleep right now.”

As Jack heads off to his room, and Sam turns to do the same, I stop him. 

I put a hand on his shoulder, and remind him, “Hey, we’re bringing her back, okay? Whatever it takes.”

The sadness in his eyes is deep, because while I know he’s glad we found Cas, Eileen is on his mind as much as Cas has been on mine. “I know we will,” Sam says, and I tug him close to hug him in the way only a brother can. 

Before he leaves, he glances from me to Cas, “Glad to have you back, man,” he says. 

“Glad to  _ be  _ back,” Cas replies, as Sam heads off to bed, leaving the two of us alone.

When I turn to face him, I have to take a deep breath. There’d been so much fear pent up in my chest after the Empty took him that I would never see him again. Never get the chance to tell him what I should have years ago. 

“Cas, I’m… I’m so sorry.”

He walks closer to me, “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“Where do I start?”

I sit down at the table, my eyes glancing to the place in its surface where we’ve all carved our names. DW, SW, MW, Jack, Castiel… he’s been family for so long, but it wasn’t until losing him in this way that I realized how different it was.

I spent so many years, thinking all I wanted from him was friendship. Was brotherhood. And there was a time where that was true. But somewhere along the way, Cas became more to me than I realized. Maybe it was when I was searching for him in Purgatory, maybe it was when he lost his grace and I had to watch him become fully human, or maybe it really wasn’t until I heard the words fall from his lips…  _ I love you. _

God, do I love him too, and I’ve never felt like more of a fool for not realizing it when I should have. It shouldn’t have taken this for me to see it. 

He leans on the table next to where I’m sitting, arms folded over his chest, as he says, “Dean, you don’t owe me anything. I admit…” he pauses as if unsure he should say whatever he’s about to, “kissing you back there was… something I have wanted for a long time. But I don’t want your guilt at the Empty taking me to make you feel obligated to me in any way. I know that you don’t—”

“Cas, stop.”

He looks surprised that I cut him off, but it takes me a second to collect myself before I can make the words come out. “The way I grew up, raised on the road by my dad… as much I love him, the way he raised us, or hell,  _ didn’t _ raise us sometimes, I never had time to figure myself out. Like you said, I felt like his blunt instrument. I was trying so hard to be everything he wanted me to be, the tough guy. The big brother. The ladies man with that Winchester swagger. I never got to really ask myself who I wanted to be. How I wanted my life to go. But these last years, since knowing you… Cas, you showed me how different I could be. That I didn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations but mine.”

I stand up and start pacing, something to help with how much I’m trying to process as I pour myself out to him like this, “And then Jack. My mom coming back and me getting the time with her I never had. All of it… I spent so long thinking it was just me and Sammy against the whole world, and that I needed to stay that brave big brother to him or it would all fall apart. But I know now. Sam is always gonna be my baby brother. I’m always gonna charge into hell after him and be there for him. But watching him really fall for Eileen? Seeing him hunting with her and making breakfast with her here in the bunker. Having a chance at being with someone who gets the life, and still makes him happier than I’ve ever seen him… I realized that I want that too.”

When I look to him, his eyes are as tearful as mine, “And Cas, I want that with you.”

He strides across the room to where I’m standing, and with reckless abandon, he presses me up against the wall behind me and kisses me deeply. 

I’ve  _ never _ in all my hook-ups, in all realtionships, in all my life-felt a kiss like  _ this. _

Its as if the sparks that fell from the roof of that barn the day I met him are igniting again from the feeling of his lips against mine. I put my arms around him, hands clutching the fabric of his trenchcoat on his back, as he runs one of his hands through my hair to pull my head closer to his. It’s everything I could have ever dreamed of, but never believed I’d ever get the chance at having. A love like the kind my parents shared, the kind that transcends life and death and heaven and hell.

When he pulls back for just a moment, I say what I should have told him so, so long ago. “I love you, Cas…”

He smiles at me, and kisses my forehead in a gesture so gentle, I can never believe I’ll deserve it. 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in my FEELINGS okay?! Only about another chapter or two to go on this piece, but goodness has this been fun to write.


	10. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up, grateful that saving Cas wasn't a dream, as he readies to face God one last time.

When I wake up the next morning, I feel like I slept better than I have in months.

And when I roll over, he’s there. Shirtless, smiling, and perfect. 

“Hello, Dean…” he says, in a way that he’s said a thousand times before, but which sounds so different when his voice is a hushed whisper, his lips inches from mine. 

“Did you even sleep?” I ask him.

“No. But watching you sleep, it’s soothing.”

“You know how creepy that sounds, right?” I add with a laugh.

He just smiles back at me, his eyes more bright than I’ve ever seen them.

“I just didn’t want you to wake up alone. I didn’t want to you think you’d dreamed it.”

And at this, I lean closer and kiss him again. I run my fingers through his hair, brush a thumb across the stubble of his chin. I would have never thought kissing a man would feel like this—so electrifying and ecstatic. But I have to remind myself, _not all men are angels like him._

When I pull away from him, his eyes fall to my exposed shoulder, the one that once had his handprint seared across it. He gently places his hand over the now healed skin. I’ve been brought back and healed so many times that the scar is gone, but as he places his fingers around the muscle, I can remember how it used to feel when it was there. The presence of a mark like that never left me, even if there’s no evidence of it there anymore. 

“You saved me, Dean. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I could say the same of you tugging me out of hell.”

“But I did have to. The world still needed you.”

“And _I_ needed _you._ I don’t want a world without you in it.”

I hear Sam walk past my door, and it pulls me back down to Earth. “I should get ready to go.”

“Shouldn’t we both?”

“No Cas. God doesn’t know that we saved you. You’re safer here. I won’t risk him Thanos snapping you too.”

“But Dean, I could help.”

I kiss him one more time. Deeply, pulling him close to me as I do, before saying, “We can do this Cas. Just have a little faith?”

He sighs and runs his fingers along the curve of my face. “In you? Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a few days to get back to this. Started a new fic from Cas's POV and was also just REELING from all the Destiel nonsense that has been going on since the spanish dub dropped. Sending solidarity to all my Destiel shippers out there. These times are weird, but I hope these two dorks being cute together gives you some solace.


	11. Because of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jack absorbs God's power, and with Sam off to find Eileen, Dean returns to the bunker to share the victory with Cas.

When I open the door to the bunker, Cas looks up to me from where he is pacing by the map. “Dean…”

He looks worried sick, and when I enter alone, I can see in his eyes that he fears the worst. 

“Sam and Jack? Where are they?”

I come down the stairs, a bit breathless. Unsure how to really explain what went down. Still in state of disbelief that  _ we really, actually did it. _

But when I reach him, a smile finally spreads across my face. “Jack… he absorbed all of Chuck’s power. He’s… he’s God now.”

“And Sam?”

“On his way to Eileen right now. He brought them back, Cas. Everyone. He did it.  _ We did it.” _

As I see the wave of relief wash over him, it hits me too. I’m caught up in his current, and it makes me tug him close to me. We hug, both of us letting all the worry release with laughter. He holds me so close that I can hear his heartbeat. 

“I can’t believe it…” I say, eyes tearful, but for the first time in a long time, out of joy.

When we pull apart, he places a hand on my cheek. “I can.”

“You always knew about Jack. That he was going to use all that power of his for good. How could you have known?”

He pulls me closer, kissing me, almost breathing me in, before pulling back to lean his head on mine. “Because I’d already seen it happen once.”

“What do you mean?”

“I watched someone that was told from the moment they came into the world that they were just a tool for darkness choose light instead. I saw someone tortured, broken, and hopeless, who chose free will and love every time fate gave him the chance. I knew because of you, Dean.”

And this time it’s me that presses him against a wall in a deep, passionate kiss. The feeling of his arms around me,  _ wanting me _ like I have never been wanted… it’s so overwhelming it nearly knocks me off my feet. I never knew that loving someone could feel this perfect. 

I lean away from him a moment, just long enough to look him in the eyes.  _ How could I have not realized he was right here? How did I miss that look in those eyes? _

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and while I don’t ever want to look away from him, I’m sure it must be Sam. 

When I take it out to look, I see the two words I was hoping for. 

SAM:  She’s safe. 

“Eileen's okay,” I tell Cas, as he lets out a sigh of relief.

I text Sam back, letting him know I’m glad, and he replies letting me know he’s going to stay with her for the night.

When I turn back to Cas, he’s wearing this truly beautiful, genuine smile, like he's transfixed by me or something.

“What is it?” I ask.

He reaches up a hand, the same one that raised me from more hells than I can count, and runs his fingers along the edge of my face in this delicate way that sends a shiver all the way down to my soul. “You, Dean Winchester. In all the faith I’ve always had in you, I never dared let myself dream you would ever love me how I loved you.”

For reasons I can’t explain, something he said so long ago when we first rebelled against Chuck comes to mind. I place my own hand over his, kissing the palm of it, “What can I say? I’m making it up as I go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to finish this but WOOP I guess the script for 15x18 leaking and reading the words "Still Dean Winchester" destroyed me enough to get me to come back and wrap this up. I so hope y'all enjoy the ending. Writing this was legit one of the most fun things I've done all of 2020 so bless your hearts for the kudos and comments and giving me a place to let my love for these characters shine. <3


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